Coping Skills Menu
Most coping-skills lists fail at the exact moment of need, because they are sorted alphabetically instead of by problem: breathing exercises sit next to "call a friend" as if a panic spike and a numb fog needed the same medicine. This menu is sorted by what the moment requires — settling DOWN, coming back UP, holding ON, reaching OUT — because the first skill of coping is diagnosis: which of the four is this moment?
Who the coping skills menu is for
Anyone who owns three coping lists and still freezes at "just use your coping skills" — the sorting is what was missing.
Free, no email needed — print the coping skills menu (write-in lines included) or save it as a PDF from the print dialog.
Diagnose, then order
First learn the four questions: Am I too activated (need settling)? Too shut down (need activating)? In a wave that just needs surviving (need holding on)? Alone with something too big for one person (need connection)? Then test-drive skills from the right column on ordinary days and rate them — your top two per column become your personal menu card at the end. A skill rated 7+ that you have rehearsed twice beats a perfect skill you once read about.
The exercises
The coping skills menu has 3 sections, in order, each with space to write.
1. Column 1 — Settling down (too activated)
For racing, rage, panic, wired.
Rate each you try, 0-10.
- ●Exhale twice as long as the inhale, ten breaths. Rating:
- ●Cold water — face, wrists, or held ice. Rating:
- ●Walk it off outdoors, no phone, until the pace slows itself. Rating:
- ●Muscle dump: tense everything for 10 seconds, release slowly, twice. Rating:
- ●Weighted pressure: heavy blanket, or lie under cushions, ten minutes. Rating:
2. Column 2 — Coming back up (too shut down)
For numb, foggy, heavy, gone.
Gentle activation — strong enough to register, kind enough to tolerate.
- ●Stand, push palms into a wall for 30 seconds, feel the ground push back. Rating:
- ●Strong sensory input: mint, sour sweet, cold air on the face. Rating:
- ●One song with a beat, standing up, moving anything. Rating:
- ●Name aloud: 5 things seen, 4 heard, 3 touched — voice ON (the voice matters). Rating:
- ●A two-minute task with a visible result (make the bed, wash three dishes). Rating:
3. Columns 3 & 4 — Holding on / Reaching out, then your card
For the wave, and for the too-big.
HOLDING ON (the wave passes; your job is not making it worse): the 20-minute delay rule on any drastic urge; "this is a wave, waves crest" said aloud; the crisis-card from your self-soothing toolkit. REACHING OUT (some loads are two-person): the low-bar text ("rough day, no reply needed"); asking for company without conversation; and knowing your lines — GP for the body, therapist for the pattern, crisis line for the edge.
- ●My holding-on move, tested and rated:
- ●My reaching-out move, and the person attached to it:
- ●MY MENU CARD — top two per column, copied somewhere permanent:
Before you use this
The coping skills menu is psychoeducation and self-reflection — not therapy, diagnosis, or crisis support. Go at your own pace; stopping when overwhelmed is information, not failure. If it stirs up more than you can settle, a trauma-informed therapist is the right next step (our therapy guide compares the options) — and the disclaimer has the fine print.
Not sure which trauma response is yours?
The coping skills menu works best matched to your real pattern.
What's Your Trauma Response?
Answer 12 quick questions to discover whether you lean towards Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn — and what it means for your healing.
Take the Free Quiz →Takes about 2 minutes. No email required.
Coping Skills Menu: FAQ
How do I know which column I need when I can't think straight?
You pre-solve it — that is the menu card's whole function. Two shortcuts that survive flooding: the body tells you the direction (fast heart, racing thoughts, heat = settle down; heavy, distant, blank = come back up), and when genuinely unsure, start with feet-on-floor plus long exhales — the one intervention that is safe and mildly right for every state. Wrong-column choices also self-correct fast: a settling skill used on a shutdown feels like sinking further within a minute — switch columns. Diagnosis improves with exactly the practice the ratings force.
Are distraction-type skills (TV, games, scrolling) cheating?
Distraction is a legitimate holding-on skill with a dosage problem. In a genuine wave, an absorbing show or game that gets you safely to the other side is harm reduction, full stop — clinicians prescribe exactly this. It becomes a problem on two conditions: when it is the ONLY tool (nothing gets processed, ever), or when the specific distraction bites back (doomscrolling that spikes you, gaming that eats the night's sleep). The menu's move: keep distraction on the card, but choose WHICH distraction deliberately — absorbing and finite beats infinite-scroll — and pair it with one settling skill for after the wave passes.
Worksheets for the four responses
Related worksheets
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